


The Reality of Command

by LadyLienDa



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2019-2020 [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s01e19 Storm Over Ryloth, Extended Scene, Gen, Guilt, Prompt: Cry into chest, Protective Anakin Skywalker, lots of clone ocs (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28497402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLienDa/pseuds/LadyLienDa
Summary: The reality of war finally hits Ahsoka.Alternatively: an 'extended scene' of what happened right after Ahsoka lost her fleet over Ryloth.Written for Bad Things Happen Bingo
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2019-2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1251959
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	The Reality of Command

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short (not very sweet, though) take on some of Ahsoka's thoughts after her loss of the clone pilots over Ryloth. We never got to see much of the aftermath of that - in true cartoon fashion the show just sort of forgets about it.
> 
> Also I named all the rest of the squad because it didn't seem fair that only a few of them got names and the rest didn't.

Ahsoka brought her ship into the hangar almost without noticing. Her heart still pounded but the rest of her just felt numb. The Force, which had been crying out a few moments earlier, now felt silent and empty, like a holo suddenly cut off.

She looked around at the empty hangar that had once been full of ships, full of friendly banter and dozens of Force signatures, each one unique. Fearless Axe, clever Slammer, and steadfast Tucker. The gentle young newbie, Smoke, and his batchmate Sparks, who told the worst jokes Ahsoka had ever heard, but still made her laugh all the same. Drops, Crusher, and Wingspan, all gone – snuffed out in a blast of heat and the icy fingers of space.

Everything was empty. Everything was cold. The hangar was no different from space. She could feel it pressing on her mind – the emptiness threatening to crush her.

“Commander Tano, sir?” a familiar voice called. Ahsoka raised her head, her mind rushing back to reality and she realized she was still sitting in the cockpit of her fighter. She blinked and looked blearily at the armored figure tapping on the transparisteel. Kickback’s expression was somewhere between concern and anguish. Ahsoka swallowed and pressed the button to raise the dome, trying not to look him in the eye. His normally cheerful demeanor was diminished, replaced by an awful mix of adrenaline and grief, and that paired with the emptiness of the Force around her made her feel sick.

“You alright, Commander?” he was asking. Behind him, Ahsoka could see Swoop still sitting in his own fighter, his head in his hands. She didn’t need to see his face to feel the heartache in his Force signature. Even the hangar attendants seemed affected. In that moment, Ahsoka felt like the whole ship was drowning in grief and emptiness, like a black hole had swallowed it. At this point, that might have been preferable to the emptiness.

“I’m…alright, Kickback. Thank you.”

Kickback seemed to sense her distress. He nodded respectfully and headed over to Swoop’s ship, probably to console the only remaining brother of their squad.

Ahsoka watched them, feeling the numbness give way sharply to crushing guilt, so much so that she rather wondered if the hangar had filled up with water and she was now drowning. The cockpit around her felt suddenly claustrophobic, and she clambered out of it to perch on the wing of the ship, her knees drawn together and her face to the grated metal floor. She couldn’t bear to look at anyone now. All she could see were the cheerful, friendly faces of Axe, Sparks, and all the others, and the flashes of fire and twisted metal out of the corner of her mind’s eye that signaled another life snuffed out. And for what? Just so she could prove herself?

 _I won’t let you down_ , she had said.

 _Forget Master Anakin,_ she thought bitterly, _what about everyone on the squad? What about everyone left who had to lose eight more brothers because I was desperate to prove myself? Do Kickback and Swoop blame me? Resent me? I wouldn’t be surprised if they do. I would._

A swirl of emotions and power signaled the approach of Master Skywalker.

“Ahsoka, I am very disappointed in you,” he said. He needn’t have bothered. She could sense it in his Force signature.

Feeling tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, she looked up at him.

As if he didn’t sense her distress, Anakin continued. “You not only disobeyed the Admiral, you disobeyed me,” he said, and his words hurt almost more than Kickback’s expression, if only because she knew he was right.

“I thought I could knock out those battleships so when Master Obi-Wan arrived, he could get through,” she replied carefully, although her voice was shaking.

Anakin sighed, softening his voice slightly. “I know you meant well, Snips, but there’s a bigger picture that you’re not aware of. First rule of war: listen and obey your superiors.”

Ahsoka felt a flash of anger, and she was in too much distress to even think about releasing it into the Force. She stood up. “But sometimes you get carried away!” she pointed out. How was it fair for him to lecture her when his harebrained schemes got men killed all the time? How the kriff did he deal with it? She felt like her head was going to explode, and she’d only caused eight deaths. How many deaths had her Master caused, indirectly or otherwise? And how did he cope with it without the crushing guilt she felt?

One of the first things Anakin had taught Ahsoka was his respect and care for the men under his command. He never referred to them as clones when he could help it – Force knew they didn’t need any more reminders that they were just cannon fodder for the Republic that didn’t give two credit chips about them. He joked around and played Sabacc with them. He helped them fix their ships. He listened to and valued Rex’s opinions as a Captain. He made sure every man felt he had dignity and worth, even if it was only to one person. When Ahsoka first became Anakin’s padawan, that was the first thing she had learned, and she had been dismayed to learn that most other Jedi did not think the same way. With the exception of Master Plo Koon, none of the Jedi she had observed cared about their troopers in quite the same way Anakin did. Master Yoda, Master Windu, and Master Kenobi were close, but only Anakin would even consider fixing a trooper’s fighter for him or help clean his gear when he was laid up in sickbay.

She had resolved to care for the troopers in the same way, and she had quickly realized that wouldn’t be a hard task. The men were all so unique in different ways, and while some were initially skeptical of a skinny, gangly teenager running around and barking orders, they eventually warmed up and accepted her into their group the same way they had Anakin. Ahsoka felt honored. Clones had a very private culture. They took what individuality they could find and guarded their few traditions and customs fiercely. To be accepted among the vode and trusted enough to share their culture was not to be taken lightly. Had she betrayed that trust when she foolishly pressed on with her attack? It certainly felt like it.

Anakin was still talking. “All that means,” he said gently, kneeling in front of her to put his hand on her shoulder, “is that I understand what you’re going through.”

Ahsoka hung her head in shame. “But I failed.”

_I failed Axe. I failed Drops and Slammer. I failed Kickback and Swoop, who now have to live with the loss._

“It was a trap, Snips,” Anakin said, “It wasn’t your fault.”

The tears in Ahsoka’s eyes threatened to spill over. “I lost so many of my pilots.”

“Take heart, Little One,” said Anakin, stepping back, “That’s the reality of command.”

Ahsoka slid off the wing of her fighter and sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and looking up at the blurring image of her master.

 _Then why does it hurt so much?_ She wondered, casting the question out into the void of space.

What little of Anakin’s face she could see through her tears was soft and he held out his arms in invitation. Like a little girl, Ahsoka dove into them, seeking the comfort of another warm body and swirling Force signature to chase away the emptiness of space. The numb feeling was gone, replaced by grief and sorrow, but she decided she’d rather feel something than nothing.

“I’m so sorry!” she cried, burying her face into Anakin’s robes. They smelled of metal, engine oil, and the lingering tang of sweat, but it was as comforting and familiar as his Force signature.

“I know, Little One,” he said, his voice rumbling deep in his chest. She felt one gloved hand on the back of her head, tucking her in close. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for taking the time to read my random ramblings. I'm honored.


End file.
